The vast majority of the elderly are sure of two things: One, that they know everything, and if they don’t already know it, then it’s obviously not worth knowing. Two, they know that they’re going to die soon anyway, so they don’t have to worry about little things like “getting along with other people” and “obeying the law.”

This is, of course, a dangerous combination, as it leads to such things as old ladies driving their cars years after they should have given up their licenses. Never mind that their mere, slow, unpredictable presence on the roads poses not only a health risk to their fellow drivers, but their driving has traffic violation written all over it. But don’t try to talk to them about it. Trust me.

Disclaimer: I love my grandparents. But they frighten me when they drive. And don’t discuss politics with them. Ever.

Tags: elderly, seniors, rant

That’s it. I’ve had it. Whoever keeps sending the sometimes gross and usually lame comments to my blog under random (but comment-related) pseudonyms, knock it off. I’m tired of marking your comments as spam.

Tags: spam, annoyances

In the hustle and bustle of life, I completely missed an important milestone. I’d like to wish a belated (as most of my birthday wishes are) happy birthday to my blog. As of August 6th, it’s two years old. Here’s the stats:

106 Posts
267 Comments
7638 Comment Spams Caught By Akismet.

And here’s the first post: The Alpha

Wow. It makes you proud, doesn’t it? Well, it makes ME proud, at least. Here’s to many happy returns, TI.

Tags: birthday, towering intellect, milestone

Some readers of the blog are doubtless aware of the fact that I recently purchased a Spa-yellow 2001 Honda S2000. As I was driving it off the lot and over to my grandparents house, three of the 5 nuts on my right front wheel flew off, leaving my car disabled. Fortunately, I was less than a block from my grandparents house when this happened, so I managed to limp the car to their driveway so a towtruck could come and get it.

Naturally, my grandparents were highly amused that I had just spent so much on a purchase which they no doubt looked upon as being frivolous and impractical. As part of the (relatively) good-natured ribbing I received as a result of this incident, my grandpa started calling my car “the little yellow bomb.” Of course, everybody thought that this was hilarious, and the name started to stick, much to my chagrin.

Fast forward to yesterday. A friend of mine asked me what I had named my car (what is it with naming cars?). I told her it was called the yellow bomb and then I realized how far the cancer had spread and I decided then and there that no car of mine would be named the little yellow bomb.

So this friend asked what gender my car was. Of course I said female. I’m not waxing a dude car. Sorry. I then made a quick calculation of my car’s attributes: fast. yellow. high-maintainance (for a Honda). And as porly as this reflects upon me as well as my car, the next word that came to mind was “stripper.” And what’s the ultimate stripper name? Candy! (I can verify this because when I asked one of my coworkers to come up with a good stripper name, the first name he said was Candy. Sorry to all you ladies out there named Candy. You have a stripper name.)

Apparently, however, this name has not been well-received by the public in general, so I’m still in the hunt for a good name to call my car (NOT the little yellow bomb or any iteration thereof). Just keep to the guidlines: female car, probably a hot blond. Leave suggestions in the comments and after an unspecified period of time (whenever I feel like it), I’ll decide on a name. Hopefully sooner than later.

In the meantime, here’s a couple of photos of my car that I photoshopped that you can use for inspiration.

My Yellow S2K

Another Pic

Yet Another Pic

And One More Pic

Technorati Tags: honda, s2000, yellow, name

So what do you do when your phone company charges you over $500 for your service? Cut them a freaking awesome check, of course.

Technorati Tags: check, funny, verizon

Behold the Uniqlock. I don’t know what’s groovier – the Oceans 11/12/13-style lounge music or the amazing dance moves. Enjoy. And remember to turn on the music.

(Thanks for the tip, Ryan.)

Technorati Tags: uniqlock, clock, awesome, viral