Whenever a big company loses a court case, the losing lawyer usually makes a statement concerning the company’s feelings about the loss. Generally these feelings are described using the words “shocked,” “dismayed,” and/or “deeply disappointed.” The statement “company X is shocked and deeply disappointed about this verdict,” is a textbook example of proper usage. I have two things to say about this.

First of all, I love how this is almost universally the leading statement that the losing lawyer says. There must be some class in public relations or something in law school where they teach law students to say this exact statement just in case they have to represent a client in front of cameras because it shows up so consistently. And of course, who can blame the lawyers for expressing this sentiment? After all, what corporate lawyer is going to get up and say “yeah, we totally saw this coming, and, well, we’re really not all that torn up about it?” But at the same time, I could use a bit more variation.

Second, the sheer hyperbole of the statement is audacious enough that I’m considering using it in my own day-to-day operations. After all, how much more sincere will I sound if I’m “shocked and deeply disappointed” when I don’t get my way, as opposed to just “bummed?” This new phrase is guaranteed to pull at the ol’ heartstrings of everybody who hears it, thus swaying public opinion in my favor, which is all I was going for in the first place.

Too tired to say much more than this: I’m having a healthy-eating competition, and if I lose, I have to clean a girl’s bathroom. Needless to say, I’m sufficiently motivated. So don’t ask me to eat anything fatty, sugary, greasy, or delicious, because it’s against the rules. I’m NOT cleaning that bathroom.

A friend of mine confessed to me that her mother had purchased from just about every magic juice MLM known to man. Xango, Noni, you name it. “Coming from a sales background has made her really susceptible to sales techniques,” my friend confided.

My first inclination was to scoff. After all, what kind of salesperson allows themselves to be undone by the very tactics that they should be familiar with?

However, yesterday as I filled up at Chevron, I started to wonder why I insisted on paying several more cents to go to Chevron, as opposed to gas stations with cheaper prices. And then I realized that I was EXACTLY THE SAME AS MY FRIEND’S MOTHER. Turns out that all Chevron’s marketing, what with the happy, clean colors, cute car mascots, and all that talk about top-tier gasoline and Techron additives has worked on me. I’m a Chevron customer, bought and paid for. And why? You would think that as a marketer I’d recognize the tricks and schemes that they use to convince people to pay more for a gallon of gas. Nope. In fact, it’s because I like their marketing so much that I continue going to Chevron. I feel good about using a brand I trust and like, and that feeling is totally worth the extra 50 cents at the pump.

So to make a long story short, I think I’m a way bigger sucker than I previously suspected.