I realize that, by adding yet another installment of parking lot observations, I’m bordering on obsession, but I can’t help it. Maybe people are just at their best (or worst) in the parking lot. Or maybe I tend to watch people a little more closely because of parking lot paranoia. In any case, I consider it my sworn duty to alert my loyal readers to the dangers and possiblities that await in that most crucial of places, the parking lot.

Tonight I feel the necessity to discuss the nuances of the blinker claim. For those of you not familiar, this is a standard move for when the parking lot is full and spaces are nearly priceless. If you’re fortunate enough to find someone getting into their car, you turn your blinker on, thus laying claim to the spot. Though I have never personally seen it, I’m pretty sure that if someone ignores the blinker claim, you are legally justified to spit on their windshield. Let me caution you if you are not used to the blinker claim, however, to help you avoid embarrassing novice mistakes. For example, make sure that you indicate which spot you are claiming by using the correct blinker. It sounds simple, I know, but in the heat of the moment, such details are easily forgotten. Also, and this one is crucial, DO NOT USE YOUR BLINKER TO CLAIM A SPOT IF YOU ARE THE ONLY CAR IN THE PARKING LOT LOOKING FOR A SPOT. Need I say more?

I would also like to throw in a word of caution to my fellow parking-lot sharks: watch out for people like me. And when I say “people like me” I mean people who forget where they park. There are few things as frustrating as following a potential victim fellow driver in order to take the spot they are about to vacate, only to have them remember that their car is on the other side of the parking lot. These individuals may be identified by glassy eyes, aimless shuffle, and slurred speech. They may also be drunk. Or elderly. Or me. That is all.