It has come to my attention that there is a phenom rapidly overtaking the pre-pubescent community. This, I believe, is a very serious matter and must be scruntinized. Its affects in the near future will be vast and nigh unshakable. This rage of which I speak is directly related to underage drinking. The big brothers at the brewery are no longer satisfied with the midnight run to the state liquor store on the eve of that pivotal legalizing birthday, they have found a sneakier (if you will) approach to “slamming” this young generation of wanna-be boozers: the “Energy Drink”. Designed to . . .well, I have no idea what its original purpose was. But it’s become Everclear for 12 year olds. It used to be just a few brands and only one flavor but now they range into depths of monumental proportions. I have seen a plethora of young’uns binging on these oh-so-flavorful liquids. They are literally convincing themselves they are “smashed” and using it as an excuse to exploit their prematurely developed bodies at parties. If anyone at all thinks this pleasing or that any of these drinks actually serve a purpose to humanity other than its degredation please let me know as I am struggling to understand the vast purpose of “Boo-Koo Light” and “Chronic”. Which apparently has a such a negative affect on one’s person that it’s labeling reads, “Do not consume if you are on medications, under the age of 12, or pregnant”, which is followed by, “May become psychologically addicting.” Oh cool! Dip me up some of that, because I’d like to slip into what’s termed as the “caffeine shakes” or have my heart race at marathon-like speeds. It’s good to know that the future is in the hands of such astute minds. May the police officers of the next generation start giving out tickets that read, “You moron, energy drinks are not alcohol, you are not drunk, save yourself some embarrasment and go home now so that you are not late to 1st period English.” Until then I suppose the woes of the teen will remain a mystery and those who fall into that blessed legal age bracket can enjoy their good old reliably depressing alcohol and those of us who do not can stock up on “sixers”, and proceed to party like the “Rock Stars” we aspire to be.