Living in Provo, UT is quite the experience. And by quite the experience, I mean that there are a lot of times when I absolutely hate it. Take today for instance.

Back in February of last year, I wrote this post about how Provo did the worst job of any municipality on the face of the earth at any point in the history of traffic lights when it came to timing this one light in particular. Well, today, I realized that they didn’t do a crappy job of timing this one light. They did a crappy job of timing ALL the lights in Provo. That’s right, virtually every light in Provo is a veritable suckfest of poor timing. That is the only possible conclusion, because somehow, I managed to hit every single light in Provo just as it turned red. Here’s a litte play-by-play of how it would go.

I come to a red light.

I wait at the light.

I hustle off the line as it turns green to try to catch the next light before it turns red.

The light turns red just before I get there.

Rinse and repeat.

This happened at (and I know that it sounds like I’m exaggerating, but I swear to you that I am not) EVERY SINGLE LIGHT. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. FROM BYU TO OREM! Even more galling was the fact that things got better once I hit Orem. You know for a fact that Provo has the worst light signal strategy in the world when Orem looks good in comparison.

So I ask you, what incompetent, people-hating person would do such horrible job programming these lights? I’ll tell you: Someone who has lived in Provo way too long.