I can’t help but wonder how many of these so-called “great explorers” actually knew where they were going. I would certainly like to consult with any women that were present at the time of “discovery.” I tend to believe, based on my own personal experience (as well as the common knowledge of the general character of men in situations where asking for directions may be advisable), that these so called discoveries were nothing more than pure accident covered up with the unarguable statement, “I knew what I was doing. I meant to do that”.

Imagine, if you will, that we could be the proverbial fly and eavesdrop on a conversation between Mr. and Mrs. Explorer. I think it would go something like this:

Dear, how much longer do you expect this trip to take?
–Not much longer, we’re almost there.
Honey, I don’t recognize any of this. Show me where we are on the map.
–(randomly pointing at some spot that he should cross on his journey) We’re around here.
But Honey, I don’t see any of these land Masses. I think we’re going the wrong way. I think we should have turned back there.
–I know what I’m doing. And your nagging isn’t helping me right now. Just be quiet and trust me.
———-several days later——
Honey, we should have been there 3 days ago. Do you still know where you’re going?
–Leave me alone. Unless you want to steer this ship, let me do it my way.
Honey, maybe we should ask someone for directions.
–Who, woman? We’re in the middle of the ocean.
Well, there was an island back there. We could turn around.
–Woman, we are not turning around. We’re making good time, and we’re not going to stop and ask for directions. I know what I’m doing. We’ll be there soon. Just wait. This is a short cut.
Honey, how is this a short cut when it’s taking longer?
–It just is. It will be when we return home. Just you wait and see.
Ok, Honey, you’re right. You know what you’re doing, and I’m just the clueless woman. I’ll be quiet and let you steer.
—————————a few more days——————–
(another person) Land ahead!
Well, Honey, you were right, you found your way
–I told you I would.
————————upon landing—————————–
Honey, this is not where we are supposed to be.
–(asking the crew)Has anybody ever been here before?
——-(unanimous reply) No!
–(excited)Just as I planned, a new land! Look at me, I’ve just discovered a new land. I knew it was here!
Honey, you got lost, and found this place by accident.
–I knew where I was going the entire time. I wanted it to be a surprise.
Sure you did, Honey, whatever you say.

And thus we see that the reason no women are credited with being great explorers is because women are more honest and equipped with a better sense of direction and the humility to ask for help when lost. We set our paths and get there. None of this getting lost and claiming we did it on purpose. And, should we “accidentally” get turned around and find ourselves a new continent, we simply ask the natives for directions and get back on the boat. You see, we know how far the cords of our electric blankets will stretch, and there can be no room for error.